Underestimating time

Like all mothers , I expected that am going to have some ‘me’ time and try to enjoy probably. I was wrong , indeed very wrong.

Every day I might think , I would do, this and that and much more, before reaching home , or just before the nights sleep, yet I do nothing .

After dropping my little ones to school, what I just do is , sit and gaze time , as if my clock is pretty beautiful. I keep checking it now and then , every second. Check many clocks if it is really right.

And by the time its time, it’s like , OMG , am literally out of time, a lot many things to do, and nothing was done. What a pretty situation .Then am totally messed up , don’t know where to begin and where to end. Some days , I just want to do lot many unusual things and finally am lazy and I feel like the couch is actually attracting me to it rather than my dirty and total chaos.

Being back home with the second, one again I have to threaten her to put to sleep, else she is going to make a mess again. Of course, she sleeps only when she wants. Finally again ,as she dozes off, my time to admire the clock starts. In spite of keeping an alarm ,I generally have a tendency to look at my pretty clock.

And once both are home, I keep running errands to finish all the work, which I could have done when none was there to disturb me. Yet am so habited to do thinks like a messed p manner. And after all the scoldings from my mom , to do things rightly ,I end up messing things . Oh, yea! I seriously need a little more time…where is the clock running at times .

Time .. time ..please stop for me…at least some time. I wish.

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Did she loose herself busy in others world

Everywhere you can find women busy in their phase of life, forgetting everything in and around their own small world. It is a normal custom , that women tend to move on, making new friends in every phase of life ,staging a different self before anyone. Long lost are friends from the school, colleges, and even work phase. She has more to do and more to maintain in her everyday life.

Life is getting busier all the time. Hardly she finds time for herself. Everyone blames women for being so hard in case of friendships at times and blame that she struggles a lot to keep her friendships from her older phases. Little did they know , she is struggling to put herself in everyone’s shoes and fit in everywhere she can.

Some find a time when it’s all lost, the charm of life and everything. By the time she realizes the need of her old long lost friends it will be almost a long lost life. Yet God gives her a chance to cherish the friendships. Because she is busy in nourishing her new relation every point of her life. Being a wife, a daughter-in-law, a sister-in-law, a mother,may be a mother again , aunty and much more.

But where is she?? At times , it is a must to give her some time for her self to think about what she wants in her life, be herself, be her parent’s little girl, a sister pampering herself with friends and enjoy the pretty days of her life, where she walked without any stress. You might find her multitasking , and elegantly managing everything , but little does everyone know , how much she needs her own time ,which she has sacrificed for the best of others. She can still take it on her own, but at times, she is so tired that she can’t do anything other than just gaze around the house and look blankly at the walls or even sit watching the cartoon channel unknowing that her kids have already slept.

Time to take up some break, and enjoy . I may not know when .. but hopefully, in the near future, say I the span of 5-6 years until I don’t come up with some thing new and challenging.

Building I ,Me and Myself

Sometimes realizing that ‘I’ is important , is the best way to build your self-confidence. At some point, you might feel down and get restrained from everything you must be doing all along. For me it’s like, almost one out of the seven days am out being lazy, and sometimes I enjoy it too. But one day , I felt ,the boredom is killing me, killing my life and everybody around me too.

After researching with my google guru, I thought am really going to be a depressed mom as I wake up all night pretty many times and walk like a zombie. It was odd to me. I didn’t want to fall prey for all those silly illnesses. I knew I was not , but just , sometimes all these symptoms seem to relate to my own state which really makes me feel bad. Am pretty sure many moms must have gone through this phase, like being unaware what of doing and what to come up with. I was happy, but I felt something missing in me. I lost the ‘Me’ inside me .

Then one fine day it was all getting normal, am back to getting a job and was happy to pursue it , even with a little doubt. Everything as new, I felt like some kind spark that was rising in me, something that was helping me survive through the dark times. I ran errands saving up my time to do the work. It was just the beginning , but I was loving it. It was a phase starting in my life and where I found a happiness out of all the god gifted happiness in my life.

Finally, I found ‘Myself’ , the one who loved to learn new things, take up new challenges , and everything , that made ‘Me’ – ‘Myself’ . Am happy again, and of course busy. I love it when I just run around managing everything and learning new aspects .

The confidence I gain when I started my job is the only thing that brought me out of all the depression (which I guess I was in) .Anyways thank you for all the people tolerating me now and forever.

My lil one off to school

Finally after years being at home, my lil one is off to school. Vacation time ,as we brought her a bag for her new beginning  , she was all excited and happy. Even though I had some thoughts lingering in my head , i just try to firmly believe that she would be fine without me. The very first day of her sisters school ,she too packed up her bag and grabbed it while going to drop her sister to her bus. To her disappointment it was not her first day though.

After immensely waiting for two weeks ,it was time for her first day of school. she was happier than i thought and even got ready. I dropped her at the school and she was off to play on the slide. She took a look back at me, waving happily, and i just imprinted that scene deeply in my heart, her happy face.But even returning home after dropping her , my eyes were on the clock. The minutes seemed to be like hours. Finally I ran back to school to pick her.

But oh!! The scene of her being carried by her teachers , I knew she was upset and sad. Her face was all sad. I just hugged her, I didn’t know what to say. The pain was terrible. One side of my heart kept saying that it was going to be fine and the other side, the weak motherhood, was completely ignoring it.

The next day, it was like a hurdle to take her to school, She kept telling me, “mama i love you, I don’t want to go to school” . For a moment I wanted to hug her and say no dear you don’t need to go to school. But yes ,I gathered up the courage and told her, that she need not sorry I would be outside. That day again, I left my crying lil one with her teachers. My heart almost wept. I really hate school at times like this.

A few days then all the crying drams were becoming less. Finally now she goes happily to her school .I see her happy face ,and all my loneliness and worries fly off. I assured myself that I was giving her the best time of her school life , when I used to send her crying,and here I was all right about it.

Still i was missing her all daylong. My heart seems to have overgrown with that feeling of loneliness when my elder one was off to school. This time I was lil more like a mature mom.