Category Archives: Mommy musings

Writing for me – Elixir of life

 

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Getting married, at an early age- not a child marriage though. It was not the time I intended to get married that is what I meant.

It just led me to grapple enough during the initial phases of my life. It was the time when I felt I should give up and drop away most of the time. I was like a fragile age of 21- which was the budding stage of my career. Work, home and marriage were tough to handle, as I never knew what to prioritize.

Anyways, no repent over the spilt milk.

When I was accentuated out, I spoke to friends, finally, when I thought I was crushing them with my silly grievances, I finally found nirvana in music. Lost in the music, it was easier for me to work along. Even when I was exhausted after work, I plugged in my music and did my household works.

For years this went on if I did ever recall.

I was also someone who enjoyed a lousy day, sleeping all day along, watching movies, doing nothing but just munching on every day. Seems I was never a fortunate one to enjoy it, as I was carrying the burdens of expectation beyond my reach. Managing my own dreams was easier than working on others demands.

Seems I was too exhausted, as I was breaking away and finally gave up my job which was either not meeting my expectations or vice versa.

Then came the blessed moments of my life, which I attribute as the best of my innings and truly the reason that I am happier in my life. Thinking about it buds a smile on me. Indeed the driving force in my life.

When I became a mother, there was a transformation in me, something beyond my expectations. I started to keep myself second in the queues or preferably last and considered to meet the needs of my child first and then the rest and finally me (which never happened though). Motherhood indeed steps us into a different world.  A world beyond imagination – as the feel was tremendous. I was someone like a career-oriented one who focused on winning. But with my little one in my arms, I wanted to just win her smile. Nothing else ever mattered me then.

As years passed on, watching them grow is something I enjoyed the most. Blissful motherhood I could call. But there was a sudden havoc in my so-called mind. I was losing, as I realised I was getting exhausted. I needed to break away, but not on my child or anyone around. It was indeed the call for depression. It scared me more than ever- becoming a demon. This is when I decided to write and became a blogger. It helped me vent out my pressure that was building up. It brought in a realm of happiness in my life – as I could be a happier mother.

Being a mother, I was more confined in the four walls of my home. My thoughts rebounded on me and just made me a lot crazier. With my kids outgrowing my arms, I decided to get back to work, to be a good role model for my children. I wanted to be independent always, even it meant struggling for it. An ongoing struggle though, as my heart has grown brittle over the years.

I smiled all day long, even when I was hell exhausted until I break away on my bed. Poems soothed my mind and eased away my tiredness. I decided to work harder, I know its never easier, but I had my role model in front of me- My mother- She is the strongest person I ever witnessed in my life. She was my silent power, who struggled a lot to pin my life well. Though I never could be like her- she was the tinge of inspiration to me. She taught me to smile – even when there was a havoc in her world. I might not be a good daughter or mother, but I adhered to work ahead on my beliefs, following it even now.

All I do is write, which is my passion. As I write, it just soothes my mind, tantalizing and revitalizing it to face anything that comes along. So even when am completely exhausted, All I do is plug in my headphones and go ahead penning my favourite romantic poems. As I publish them, I am like the little girl who waits for the rewards. I wait eagerly for people to read and tell me what they feel about my writing. At times I pour in my weaknesses, my desires etc., that just pushes me along in my journey.

I am lucky enough to have my passion and profession the same. Writing not only brought back my financial stability but also reproduced a new me to my family and loved ones.

It is true when you are passionate, you never feel exhausted as your mind is always on a running spree. The enthusiasm drives me crazier to write more and relinquishes my frailty.

Writing for me is like an elixir of life.

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Being a mom is more about resilience…

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Image Credits: Pixalbay

At times a piece of me always wants to be around you, just to watch you grow. Missing that would be a great loss for me, as all these while I witnessed everything with you, the firsts. It can be termed as something I want to keep it for myself.

I remember the very first touch of your skin in my hands, as I cherish it to be the most memorable one in my life. The moments of redemption that seeps out of me, when you both were born, is exceeding my vision of words. It is a unique feeling, that keeps me motivated all along.

At times when someone asks me, why with all these pain, I endured all along, the difficulties of pregnancy period, that I longed for the next child.

I really don’t know what to answer them, because the joy of watching my kids play together, gives me the answer, which is tough to convey in my words. I see them grow, in every way, like I grew with my sibling.  All these years watching them grow up fades away the pain I endured, bringing me a smile that stays forever until I just have the faintest thought about the pain or stress I had gone through all those months.

Resilience with my self

During the first, pregnancy, it was all the eagerness to know how it will be. As I became a mother for the first time, the joy was profound. It was the beginning of a journey, of a new mom to being a good mom to her, slowly learning through her at every stage. It surprises me, at times, as I am ignorant of what a mother should do in several stages .. Yet I just confidently without taking a step back, walk steadily towards nothing but a goal that is changing every year, as she grows up.

Acceptance 

With my second pregnancy, it was all about, how the upcoming baby would be with my first one. Yes, this is what worried me the most, other than the basic worrisome thoughts about being healthy etc. It is again a roller-coaster ride across the months to balance, emotionally and physically being with both kids.

Understanding the needs of the elder one, compromising on sleep and much more.

Growing up with them is much more fun and learning too. I guess I never learned this much, as much I am learning from being a mother.

Adapting myself 

It is again a greater problem, for me as a person to adapt. At times our inner self is so adamant even to give up to a small child.  It is common, that you might find me still fighting with my kid just like the worst kid at times. It leads me just to think, that AM I actually a mom? Because I am totally weird when I fight with them, even for the silliest things.

Setting an example pressure

OOPS, The big challenge as I say. I am not someone good to be followed – as I am completely indisciplined, and more like a child who is unwilling in many scenarios. I might actually be the big bad example for kids “NOT to FOLLOW”.

It is hard, not to be oneself at times. I can’t act like a perfect mom, and the be a spoiler alert to my kids, instead am the most vulnerable person they might find. One who breaks down, who fails, who is shy, who is incompetent and much more…

so AM I a bad mother?

I really don’t know, what to answer that, but yet I am just a mother who wants to keep her children happier and well-kept.

Even though I break down at many points, wish to quit, or just run away or hide, a part of me, wants to be discovered by those tiny hands who hold me tight, so as I do not fall apart. They make me feel worthwhile, even when the whole world seems to look at me as if I am doing a bad job at being a mom.

For ME, all about being a mom, make me feel enough worthy to be alive.

To the greatest teacher

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I learn and unlearn 

everything from you

every since I was born

I learned the magic of touch, from you

You taught me numerous things, 

never on a blackboard, that could be erased

but in the depth of things you do 

I am not an incarnation of you

but all I wish is to be a mom like you

Despite hurting you many ways,

call it, my immaturity, my age or whatsoever

you love me more than anyone in the world can.

 

~~~To my mom, who loves me with all my flaws~~~~~

 

 

 

Tips for ideal breastfeeding for new mothers

 

A baby is a new beginning for everyone, especially for a mother.  The first few weeks are the struggle to feed the child right.

Here are few tips for the same :

 

https://www.newswindow.org/news/details/best-ways-to-ease-breastfeeding-for-all-the-first-time-mothers

 

Happy Reading !!!

Break Away

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Every morning the alarms ring, reminding her childhood days, where it was her mom calling her out to wake up.  She wished for those days, to return, where she could slip back into the blanket and sleep more cosy on those early winter mornings.

But, shaken by the world she lives currently, she wakes up and hurries to the busy world, which never stops or let her stop.

But, her thoughts were always busy – she thought what if I stop, for a while?

Will it bother anyone around her or even cause her to fall back?

She never got those answers…

As she hurdled in those thoughtful mornings, where she craved for a warm cup of tea, extended by someone…..but there were none to offer her one.. as the real world is never magical.

She went ahead preparing her cup of tea… as her tummy awaited for those warm drippings to touch the bowel system. She hurried, to silence the nature calls and the cravings for a sip of tea, which always brought in thousands of memories of every stage in her life.

For once, like every other girl, she wanted to grow soon to be independent….

but she thought – Is she really independent – other than cooking her own food?

her choices are adulterated 

her dreams are adulterated

her future is adulterated 

her speech is adulterated

there is nothing, where she was alone. Everything she did was adulterated with others choices, dreams, life and even words. What was she doing, for her own self?

Even when these thoughts mumbled in her brain, her hands never stopped , her chores.. She ran errands, doing everything everyone wanted.

her day, went on … until the moment she gets on her own time…but when is it?

Everyone assumed she could take a break and relax when all went on for their own duties… but really does she take a break- the shaken world never lets her relax. She works on other things required for all.

She went on and on and on…. until she decided SHE NEED A BREAK.

Yes, A Break from life – it will be her deathbed.